The Emotional Support Shopping Basket

Have you ever walked into a store naively thinking "I don't need a basket I'm just getting one item"? But instead ended up with your hands full carrying 7 jars of Alfredo sauce while pushing a case of Dr. Pepper down the aisles of Market Basket with your foot? Then please, read on.

There is a point in a shopping journey where a shopper reaches the scientifically proven distance of being too far into the store to turn around to get a basket and also starts asking oneself "do I REALLY need one?" 97% of people do not turn around at this point and will continue to struggle to carry their items to the checkout line.

But there is relief! You can feel a semblance of comfort knowing the Virtual Emotional Support Shopping Basket is here for you as you journey through your grocery trip. Access your virtual basket at anytime during your shopping trip for mental support. Carry on shopping legend you've got this!

"When I collapsed in the milk aisle last week with my grocery items sprawled around me, thoughts of 'this is why you should've gotten a basket! Now look what happened!' swirled through my head. Another shopper stopped and offered to put me and my groceries in their cart and I almost took up the offer until I remembered I had my Virtual Emotional Support Shopping Basket. I was able to get up, collect my assortment of artisan cheeses and make it to the cashier on my own!" - Ted, local shopper

My journey with self-care flowers

What are self-care flowers? I was first introduced to this innovative concept of self-care flowers by a good friend of mine. Self-care flowers is the act of going to Trader Joe's and selecting a nice bouquet of flowers just because.

When I heard about this concept, I said goodbye to my friend mid-sentence, got in my car and zipped down to my local Trader Joe's.

And wow was I overwhelmed. Trader Joe's had about 1 million different kinds of flowers to choose from. Flowers ranging from $3 to $10,000 per bouqet.

There were oversized day lilies drooping out of a vase and for the price of $6 they seemed like the biggest value for my dollar. So I brought them home!

I placed them right on my kitchen counter and after a day of sneezing I remembered I had pollen allergies and a quick Google search revealed day lilies are the #1 worst flower for allergy sufferers.

The day lilies had to go.

So off to Trader Joe's I went to get a flower that wasn't triggering. I found a simple carnation on the ground that most likely fell out of one of the pricier bouquets (SHOPPING HACK!). It even had the imprint of someone's shoe on it. I brought it to the counter and the cashier said "it's quite literally trash it's free."

What a lucky fucking day for me! I raced home and placed it in a vase and every time I look at it I'm reminded of how much of a cheap fuck i am!

Try it out!